it’s cute! the text works… clear enough. But if you want to do the ‘problem/solution’ way then you could make the heading more of a problem/need e.g. ‘need a gift for your upsherin boy?’ or ‘looking for that perfect gift for your…’ or ‘can’t find the perfect gift for your…’ and then the phrase ‘we have just the thing…’ will be the solution!
maybe do three dots after ‘his special day…’ and personalised yarmulkas and titzis! with exclamation at end.
i’d make the 3 points ‘bring your own…’ into a bulleted list or maybe with arrows… or numbers 1,2,3 so it’s like a ‘how it works’
Can they not buy the tzitzis/kippa from her too?? If they can then that should be in the bullet points as now it seems that they can only bring their own item.
instead of ‘get something beautiful for your special boy’ i’d not say ‘special boy’ as sounds like special needs… and also try and make it the result like ‘receive your custom-made upsherin gift’ or if she packages it nicely or it’s gift-wrapped you can add that…
obviously it’d be better if there were sample photos professionally taken but presuming she hasnt got that i love the cute smiley on the tzitisis… maybe can you also add a little name or an aleph beis letter on his kippa?